Dan Kistler Studios

Limits

I am not one for rules. Rules are made to be broken, rules must be enforced, and we cannot hope to all agree on all the rules. And it would take too many rules to really make any changes. We all ignore rules anyway. And rules really never change anything.

But I think a better way to bring about change would be to agree to impose limits on certain daily activities that we all do in our days. Here are my ideas for limits we need.

1. A limit on how many people can be stupid in one day. Nothing more needs to be said.

2. A limit on how many people can drive under the speed limit during any given day. This is especially needed on weekends. What is it about a weekend that makes certain drivers forget where the gas pedal is? They drive so slowly and with such a lost look about them they are a hazard to everyone who needs to get somewhere before next year. If someone is in front of you looking totally lost and driving 20 miles an hour under the speed limit I say you should be allowed to ram into their car and drive them into the ditch. It is only fair. I can only imagine a great number of those lost drivers will, after they have extracted themselves from their mangled cars, finally wake up to fact that they can’t drive worth beans. And maybe, just maybe they will stop driving altogether.

3. A limit on how many people can be in the same aisle in the grocery store. Find what you want and get out of the way. Similar to the driving limit in that when some people get behind a shopping cart they suddenly lose the ability to think and act with any swiftness. It would be so easy for a grocery store to hire aisle bouncers. They could toss you out of the aisle for lingering or hesitating when making a selection. Delay for a split second in the cereal aisle and you suddenly find yourself tossed over to aisle 21 staring at bags and bags of dog food. Imagine an aisle in the grocery store free from lingering and lost shoppers.

4. A limit on how many kids can cry in public on any given day. Give it a break kid—suffer in silence.

5. A limit on how many times a parent can tell their child “Because I said so” in public. So few parents are really good at the art of the argument. A sad fact in life today.

That should about do it. I am sure more than five limits are needed but these are the limits that would have made my shopping trip today so much better.If a way can be found to impose these limits on the American public life will certainly change.